septimus' blog

สิ่งที่ติดค้าง

 

 

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เมื่อคืนราวเที่ยงคืนเราเพิ่งจะตัดใจลง

 

อะไรจะเกิดมันก็ต้องเกิด!

 

 

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….

 

อย่างมากก็เรียกช่าง

 

 

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เหตุเกิดชัดเจนเมื่อสักสามวันก่อน

 

กลิ่นมันส่งออกมาแรงขึ้นๆตามวันเวลา

 

ก็นึกอยู่ว่ามันคล้ายกลิ่นอะไรที่เพิ่งประสบมาไม่นาน

 

เมื่อนึกได้ ก็… แย่ละสิ ที่นี่ไม่มีน้ำยาหัวเชื้อจุลินทรีย์ และไม่มีลูกบอลEMแจกฟรีที่บางคนเค้าใช้ตักบาตรที่เมืองไทยซะด้วย

 

 

 

ฉะนั้น อย่างง่ายที่สุด ก็เรียกช่างที่ค่าแรงแสนแพงชั่วโมงหนึ่งเฉียดพันเหรียญ

 

แต่ด้วยความเสียดายบวกขี้เหนียว(จะบอกว่า พอเพียง ก็เขินน่ะ)

 

ก็พยายามนึก… กลิ่นแบบนี้มันกลิ่นกรด… กรดมันก็ต้องคู่กับด่าง (จะเป็นคู่สม หรือ จะเป็นคู่กัด ก็ให้เลือกเอาเอง)

 

อินทรียวัตถุ อนินทรียวัตถุ… จะช่วยอะไรยังไงได้บ้างไหม… ในครัวมีอะไรบ้างหนอ …

 

ผงฟู …

 

น้ำส้มสายชู…

 

?   ? ?   ???

 

ถ้าจะเอาด่างคือน้ำส้มสายชูเทลงท่อเจ้าปัญหา ที่เราพบว่ามีท่อที่น่าสงสัยทั้งหมด 4 ท่อด้วยกัน…

 

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ไม่เอาอะ เปิดอากูลก์ดูก่อนดีกว่า..

 

เจอะเลย เค้าบอกว่า “ท่อระบายน้ำภายในอาคารบ้านเรือนที่มักสกปรกเร็ว ตามด้วยกลิ่นเหม็นรุนแรง รบกวนความสุข ให้เทผงฟูลงท่อนำร่องไปก่อน 1 กำมือ สักครู่ตามด้วยน้ำส้มสายชูอีก 1 ถ้วย ทิ้งไว้สักพัก ลองเปิดน้ำระบายดูอีกที

 

 

เอ้ย ผงฟูเข้ามาเกี่ยวข้องตั้งแต่ตอนนี้เลยเหรอ?

 

เอา ว่าไงก็ว่างั้น…

 

 

 

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ด้วยความเข้าใจอย่างง่ายๆ เรามีน้ำส้มสายชูอยู่ 1 แกลลอนครึ่ง มีผงฟูยังไม่ได้แกะกล่องอยู่ 2 กิโลกรัม

 

ท่อทั้งหมดที่เป็นเป้าหมายมี 4 ท่อด้วยกันเพราะเมื่อเดินตามฝาบ้านดูเราก็พบว่าต่างก็นำน้ำเสียทิ้งลงบ่อพักเดียวกัน

 

กลิ่นมันต้องออกมาจากเจ้าท่อพวกนี้แหละ ชัวร์!

 

 

 

เพื่อไม่ให้พวกมันต้องริษยากันว่าเรารักไม่เท่ากัน เราจึงแบ่งกรดและด่างทั้งสองออกเป็น 4 ส่วนเท่าๆกัน…

 

เราเทเรากรอกเรากระทุ้งผงฟูลงไปก่อนทุกท่อ..

 

จากนั้นทิ้งไว้สักพัก กดไลค์ให้เพื่อนๆในเฟสบุ๊คไปหลายคน แล้วจึงเทน้ำส้มสายชูตามลงไป ซึ่ง เราพรวดพราดไม่ได้ เพราะเมื่อกรดกับด่างเจอกันจะเกิดการสปาร์ค เอ้ย เกิดฟองฟู่เสียงไม่ค่อยขึ้นมาทันที… ก็ต้องค่อยๆ  ริน

 

 

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เสร็จแล้วกลับมาเล่นเฟสบุ๊คต่อเพื่อรอเวลา… ให้กรดด่างสองตัวนั้นเค้าตกลงกันให้ได้ซะก่อน

 

จากนั้น ในตำราเค้าบอก… ให้ลองเทน้ำดู

 

เราก็ เทลงไปในท่อแต่ละท่อดู… ง่ายๆเอง…

 

ท่อเป้าหมายอันดับ1 คือท่ออ่างสปา เราจัดการเทน้ำลงไป …

 

ได้ผลเลย น้ำไหลลงท่อไปได้นิดเดียว แล้วก็เริ่มไหลไม่ลง วนๆ เล็กๆ จากนั้นก็ นิ่ง!

 

ชักใจเสียล่ะเรา …

 

 

 

เอา ไหนๆก็ไหนๆ ลองไปท่อเป้าหมายอันดับ2 ดูหน่อยว่าเป็นยังไง…

 

เราเทน้ำลงไปในท่อที่ต่อจากเครื่องซักผ้า… พรวดดดดดด พรูพรูพรูพรู…

 

อ๊ะ ผ่านวุ้ย น้ำไหลลงท่อไปอย่างรวดเร็ว…  เราเริ่มรู้สึกดีขึ้น จึงหันมาที่ท่อเป้าหมายอันดับ3 ท่อในห้องฝักบัว…

 

เอ้ย เหมือนท่อแรกเลย…

 

ใจเสียอีกแล้ว คืนนี้เราจะได้อาบน้ำมั้ยเนี่ยะ?

 

 

 

คิดอะไรไม่ออกมองไปที่ท่อสุดท้าย…อ่างล้างหน้า…

 

มาถึงขั้นนี้แล้ว ก็เทให้หมดเลยแล้วกัน…ปรากฏ ท่อนี้ไม่มีปัญหา

 

 

 

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เสร็จก็มานั่งเล่นเฟสบุ๊คไปคิดไปจะเอายังไงดี คืนนี้ไม่ได้อาบน้ำแน่ๆ แต่เดี๋ยวก่อน บางทีท่อสองท่อนั่นอาจมีสิ่งที่ค้างคาเยอะเพราะใช้งานบ่อยจะเรียกว่าทุกวันก็ว่าได้… ลองให้เวลาเค้าหน่อย ปฏิกิริยาเคมีน่าจะยังทำงานของมันอยู่ น่ะ!

 

1 ชั่วโมงผ่านไป… น้ำเปล่าๆเหล่านั้นก็ยังอยู่ระดับเดิม ไม่ไหลลงไปไหนเลย

 

2 ชั่วโมงผ่านไป… ไร้ปฏิกิริยาแปลกใหม่ใดๆทั้งสิ้น!

 

3 ชั่วโมงล่ะ… ก็เหมือนเดิม ขังกันอยู่ตรงนั้นแหละ

 

เห็นทีราตรีนี้จะยาวไกล หรือไม่ก็…    ท่อตันถาวร!

 

 

 

แต่เราต้องอาบน้ำ และ นอน …

 

ก็เลยตัดสินใจซับน้ำออกจากอ่างสปา เช็ดให้แห้ง เสร็จแล้วปิดฝาอ่างสปา เปิดน้ำร้อนเแช่ตัวลงไปพร้อมกับคิดด้วยความไม่ยอมแพ้ว่า…

 

พรุ่งนี้แต่เช้าต้องลงมาดูอีกทีว่าน้ำในห้องฝักบัวจะไหลลงท่อมั้ย ส่วนท่อของอ่างสปานี่ เอาไว้ก่อน อาบเสร็จจะยังไม่ปล่อยน้ำลงไป เพราะถึงอย่างไรปล่อยตอนนี้น้ำก็ไม่ลงไปไหนอยู่ดี

 

แล้วเราก็เข้านอน… อย่างกังวล…

 

 

 

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จิ๊บ… จิ๊บจิ๊บ… จิ๊บจิ๊บจิ๊บจิ๊บจิ๊บ…

 

ลืมตาได้ เรารีบแล่นลงมาดูท่อเจ้าปัญหาก่อนเลย ด้วยความหวัง ว่าน้ำจะไม่อ้อยอิ่งรออะไรก็ไม่รู้เหมือนเมื่อคืน…

 

 

และแล้ว ฮ่าฮ่าฮ่าฮ่า….

 

 

 

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น้ำหายไปหมดแล้ว น้ำที่ไม่ยอมลงท่อในห้องฝักบัวหายไปหมดแล้ว และเพื่อความแน่ใจ เรานำน้ำในอ่างสปามาเททดสอบความถูกต้องอีกที …

 

โอ คราวนี้ น้ำไหลโกรก เสียงดังมากกกก

 

 

 

 

หันกลับไปที่อ่าง เราจัดการปล่อยน้ำลงท่อบ้าง…

 

ผลปรากฏ อาการเดียวกันไม่ผิดเพี้ยน… น้ำไหลพรูลงท่อไปอย่างง่ายดายราวกับมีอะไรดูดอยู่เบื้องล่าง

 

 

 

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เฮ้อ โล่งอก…

 

ไม่ต้องเสียเวลาเรียกช่างชั่วโมงทองแล้ว

 

และต่อไปนี้เราจะไม่ให้เกิดเหตุแบบนี้อีก เค้าบอกให้คอยโรยผงฟูสัก 1 ถ้วยตวงลงท่อเหล่านี้อาทิตย์ละครั้งเพื่อช่วยให้พวกแบคทีเรียทั้งหลายทำงานได้ดีขึ้น ส่งผลให้สิ่งสกปรกอันเป็นบ่อเกิดกลิ่นอันไม่พึงประสงค์นั่น…ไม่ตกค้างอยู่ในท่อ

 

 

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